Chapter 1. 16ish.

    Most of you will go through puberty, breakups and college and never visit Hormones Roller Coaster Land. Go to a party, come back just waaaaay too turnt to remove your make up and wake up as if nothing has happened. Pick up whatever you see from a drugstore, splash your face with it and carry on with your normal day. For some reason I thought I would be one of you. The innocence.

   Flash back to high school in Brazil. I wasn’t into fashion or make-up at all. I was very boyish and wouldn’t spend too much time pampering or thinking about my looks because I thought it was stupid. Tough girl, but every time someone stared too long at me, I wanted to disappear. I was always breaking out. 

   When I was 15-16 my mom opened a restaurant, so my sisters and I all had to work there part time. The customers were all friendly and they loved stopping by to chat with my mom, who I could only wish to be like. She’s such a people person, and she forced taught us how to a have a sense of humor/sarcasm from a very young age. So it became my strongest self-defence mechanism.

   One time, I was serving a regular customer (a doctor), when he told me my skin looked like a cheese grater. He came back to the restaurant with his family a few weeks later and said: “Oh, ok. Your skin is not THAT bad today huh, good for you.” I laughed it off and replied: “Oh, Thanks! It’s because I haven’t washed my face in a week. Anything to drink?”.

   The damage was already done. On the outside I was very funny and silly, but inside I was growing as one of the most self-conscious girl out there.

   The products I was suggested by then were glycerine soap bar and clay mask. I buried myself in heavy metal music and some self-destructive behaviours twice a day before and after meals by my own choice too.

   Is this really the path to self acceptance, self love and healing? Stay tuned.


Hometown in Brazil, December 2005. Too emo for smiles.


Singapore, April 2012. Still struggling but at least more confident.

Ps: I learned English on my own, so if any grammar mistake drives you crazy, I apologize in advance.

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