Chapter 5. Photoshoots and PCOS part 2. (got tea? bear with me, this is a long one)

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    So…what was that? What is PCOS?

   “PCOS is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, also known as Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, and is one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women” (source: pcosfoundation.org) Symptoms varies from irregular menstrual cycles/periods to weight gain/difficulty losing weight, cysts on the ovaries (multiple), hair loss, anxiety etc.

   The most popular treatment is through drugs or birth control pills (my case), although bc pills only masks the symptoms and doesn’t heal your body. >>I will come back to this in the future.

   The recovery was emotionally and physically draining, with severe pain every other week. I kept my skin care regimen minimal, I only wore baggy clothes, played games, read books and avoided talking to my family for a bit just so that my mom wouldn’t stress worrying about me, specially overseas. 

   One good thing that happened to me is that it was during this hard time that I first heard about TCM(Traditional Chinese Medicine) and Acupuncture as an alternative treatment to illness and unbalances, but I didn’t use them on my favor this time.

   And 2-3 months after what it felt like forever, everything was under control again. I had some scars from the intense breaking up, but I felt way better and was also naturally back to my modelling weight and shape. My manager was happy when she saw me and asked me to move back to the city ASAP and start going to castings and working again. I was so excited and happy to be back.

  Right on the spot I booked the very first casting I went to after my come back. 

me: Yay good times are back! 

life: – HAHAHAHA actually, not too fast

STOP. I HATE ACTUALLYS

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   It was early in the morning, me and a Brazilian male model getting ready to shoot a gazillion of clothes for a catalogue. The make up artists was doing my make up when she stopped and went to get the clients, who has already seen me personally the other day. She started  complaining about me while pointing at me. They were getting louder, standing right behind me looking through the mirror with VERY NOT HAPPY faces. Damn, it was my scars. At one point there were at least 8-10 people there, just looking at me and talking. The make up artists asked me to switch with the male model, and promptly started doing his hair and make up (yes you heard it, guys wear make up for photoshoots).

   After this, everyone simply stopped talking to me. I sat there on the couch waiting, waiting, waiting…. 

   I didn’t know what to do so I decided to ask someone from the team if everything was ok, when she answered me in chinese basically something like: “Dafuq you want?” even though we were speaking english before.

   I texted my booker and told her what just happened, when I saw the booker herself entering the warehouse with 4 models from my agency, everyone in high heels holding their books. 

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  They were kicking me out and holding a last minute casting to replace me. 

  They chose a japanese girl from my agency, and my booker coldly asked me to get my stuff and to leave my high heels so the other model could wear it on the photoshoot.

   I can’t describe the feeling of shame, anger and sadness I felt. I was angry at them and at me at the same time. I couldn’t even see properly where my bag was because I was already crying. I walked past everyone towards the exit just like a ghost pretty much invisible. 

  I walked outside where our driver was waiting and just bursted in tears. My booker and the rest of the models came after in silence and got in the car. No pad on the back. The booker was very brief and told me to stop crying soon because we were on the way to 4 castings. ARE YOU FUCKING* SERIOUS? (*swearing was necessary)

  Long story short, I booked 2 out of the 4 castings we went to, and the clients were very clear that my skin wasn’t an issue.

 This episode went straight to my archive of “Days That Crushed Me Into Pieces”, “Therapy Required” but also in the subcategory of: (press play below)

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***All photos on this posts were from photoshoots right after I came back to work. Do I look like I just visited Crapland? Luckily I got super busy after that day, schedule always fully booked and became a regular on countless magazines. 

“Illness is a calling”

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