Chapter 5-6 violence interlude. Breaking point

   I just wanna share this small story before I move on to chapter 6 so you understand a little more about what kind of person I am. Sweet, funny, caring and temperamental.

   After what happened in Taipei, I did very well and worked non stop. 

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At the end of 2010, I moved to China for a short term contract but returned to Taiwan afterwards and kept working a bunch.

   Modelling in Taipei it’s hard. The market likes innocent, perfect, shy and cute girls. But I’m a bit goofy and boyish, so I did my best to please everyone, even if it’s pretending to be something I’m not. 

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  I take my job very seriously, and if anything, I am my own worst enemy. I am VERY self-critical, and when something is not good or perfect, trust me, I’ll be the first one to notice it.

   After breaking out immensely, getting endless scars and being so vulnerable, I got used in being apologetic all the time, accepting that I deserved every single criticism bomb thrown at me, while trying to be professional and hard working at the same time. It was something beyond the humble aspect, just a constant “Yes, I understand”,”It’s fine, don’t worry about me”, “I’m sorry”, “I’m so sorry”, “Is this good enough for you?”, “My fault”.

   Non stop working. End of April, 2011.

   I had a clothing catalogue job, shooting for 2 days with 2 other taiwanese models. I remember it was for party dresses. Everything was shiny and sparkly and tight and short. I had a super curled up hair situation (old school selfie photo attached below) and was ready to work. Before every shooting, they get all measurements head-to-toe from the agency, so I assumed everything was cool.

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   This wardrobe lady came to where I was getting my make up done, and asked me to try the shoes on. I always do my best to please everyone, be it a Tv commercial shooting/print ad, if I don’t have to walk a lot/jump/dance, I WILL suck up the pain and wear your wrong sized shoes. 

   But she brought me something 3 sizes smaller. I couldn’t even fit in it. After trying, I told her I was sorry and I couldn’t wear it. The shooting was for dresses anyways so shouldn’t be a big deal.

  But she got fffffffffffffffurious.

  She left. Then came back again fuming, asking me to try another one on the same size, as if my feet shrunk on that small interval. Again, I said I couldn’t because it was just too small. Her face got red. She told me to try AGAIN. 

   And that’s when she threw the shoes in my direction.

WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH.

   We held a staring contest. I said I wasn’t going to wear it, and I had my own shoes if she needed. There was tension in the air. I was so done being treated like a undeserving low life (calm down Paty). I shot whatever I was supposed to on that first day but before it was a full day of work my agency called me and told me I could leave.

   I went to the agency straight from the studio, and was told to sit and wait. After a while my agent told me I didn’t need to go back for the second day. She said clients were happy but she received complaints from the wardrobe lady, who called in to say I was very rude, disrespectful, unprofessional etc etc etc.

  And that’s when, I believe, I had my first nervous breakdown.

   That’s it. I’ve had enough. I snapped. I got so mad my mind went blank. If you knew my agent from Taipei, you would know she’s the craziest agent out there. No one talks back to her, everyone is afraid of her. But on that day, she got scared of me.

  -Naomi, calm dow..

  -WHY (beep) SHE (beep)(beep)(beep) RGHHSTUEERJIHFRJAHREJREARGHHH

   I went through something the modern society youngsters would call a few years later “0 to 100 real quick”. I felt exhausted, I felt out of control, out of my mind, my face was raging, my heart was racing, I was shaking, I felt like I was going to explode. All the bookers stopped working to see me go nuts. “Fun day at the office! Now this is something you don’t see every day!” they must have thought. 

  Why did the lady lie and said I was misbehaving? They canceled me because she had made a mistake and she was throwing that on me??

  I was eventually told to go to the back room to regain my composure. I walked in the room and started going absolutely crazy. I recall punching the couch, yelling and holding my fists close to my face, throwing the pillows around. At some point my agent walked in, lit up a cigarette by the window, waited for the right timing and told me I might have been working too much and needed to take a break.

  I bought a ticket to Japan and left for a few weeks. On the first week, I stayed at my uncle’s because he works everyday and I didn’t wanted to see anyone for that period. So for 7 days I didn’t see NOBODY. I didn’t talk to a fellow human for 7 days. It felt weird and dark, but it also felt great. I needed to reset. I also didn’t brush my hair or looked myself in the mirror for 7 days which is none of your business.

  I reevaluated my life and decided I needed to be true to myself if I wanted to be happy, and pleasing everyone was not the way to do it.

  I went back to Taipei and set the wardrobe lady’s house on fire.

  JUST KIDDING!

  I’M FINE NOW.

Hey ! Patty ! I’ve been following you on socials for awhile:) if you don’t mine i would like i ask you (cuz i want to know LOL) how can you stay fit and what do you like to eat ? Cuz i’m pretty heavy T_T ! Thanks for reading ,xoxo

Hi! Everyone has a different body type and that’s fine. You just need to figure out what show results and stick to it. Genetically I’m on the thin side, but my parents also have blood pressure/cholesterol problems so I know I also can’t take an advantage on it and go crazy on a bad diet.  I do believe 80% is diet(what you eat, nutrients, healthy habits) and 20% exercise. I used to be on a very strict diet called Bulletproof diet, but nowadays I just eat a little bit of everything. Right now my favorite food is anything home cooked. It’s healthier, it’s made with love, it’s fun.
For exercise, not everything works for everyone. Some people run, do cardio, swim. You should check “Kayla Itsines” workout guide, she is on IG. In her words:  “HIIT(High Intensity Interval Training) and this is a GREAT way to boost your body’s fat burning ability. Not everyone has time to go for an hour walk multiple times a week, which is optimal for weight loss. Performing a 15 minute HIIT session can actually burn more fat than going for an hour walk. How? HIIT produces an ‘after-burn’ effect, similar to what your body experiences after resistance training PLUS you save yourself some time! An example of a HIIT workout is sprinting as fast as you can for 30 seconds, followed by a 30 second rest, and repeating for 10-15 minutes. This type of training gets your heart rate up fast and it burns more fat in less time than any other workout.”
Hope it helps a little. Leave me your name next time!!

An article: Rub and Press

Not your Hollywood newest trend (yet).

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   I’m gonna step away from these 2010 stories a little bit now and start spelling the beans about interesting things I’ve learned while trying to figure my body out.

   I sat through several long airplane journeys this past month, slept late most probably everyday and partied a little too much. A quick visit to the back of my brain and say no more. I’m super ready to share a few DIY AT HOME techniques from eastern/western world that I believe are beautyfing, easy and effective for a desperate times good facial massage with a side benefit for your skin:

  1. Korugi
  2. Face Yoga
  3. Face Scraping
  4. Hands Reflexology

   Starting with Korugi (read more here):

   It’s a face shaping massage method from Korea, widely popular in Japan. Consists in applying pressure to the facial bones while massaging it, working on the symmetry and improving blood and lymphatic system. It helps skin regeneration by getting rid of toxins and of course, making your face look smaller and eyes bigger. (Asia’s beauty standards)(But without plastic surgery)

   This bone-therapy transforms a saggy, tired, bloated and dull complexion into a glowing, smoother skin, reducing eyes bags, dark spots, wrinkles, giving you sharper features and why not, probably also a super power of choice (I chose flying).

   If you’re struggling with puffiness, uneven expression, eye bags, sinking cheeks or simply your make up just doesn’t sit well on your skin, apply massaging cream or your favorite oil and try the following steps. Results are better when done multiple days or incorporated on your routine.

‘S GO!

Shaping. Use the inner part of your thumb, slide first on the higher part of your cheek, from under the corner of the eyes to front of the ear. Slide through your neckline and drain everything to your collarbones. Place your thumb on the central part of your cheek and repeat. Last one, on the lowest part of your cheek. Repeat the number 2 part 3 times. Switch to the other side. *Use pressure, but it shouldn’t be painful.

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De-puffing: Do a peace sign. Fold your fingers.  Place them on the very beginning of the eyebrows like you wanna grab it. Now use the inner part of the two knuckles, specially the middle finger one, to slowly slide all the way across it. (Just realized it looks like I’m scrubbing it). Press the end of your eyebrows near the temple. Both sides 4x. 

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Lifting: This one feels SO GOOD. Place your knuckles under the highest part of your cheekbones. It’s easier if you do both sides at the same time while resting your elbows on a table. Press it UP for 5 seconds x 2.

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Brighten up: How are we doing so far? Hold your hands in a fist, place it the center of your forehead and move it upwards while pressing, from the center towards the hairline. Repeat from the opposite direction towards the middle of your forehead. Repeat 3-4x. Next, place your hands on the center again and do the same thing, but this time doing circular motions. Go and come back. Always pressure when you’re moving your hands up and not down for obvious gravitational reasons. Repeat 2 times.

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   Okay, I’m done. These gifs are exhausting to make, as you can tell by the exponential drop in the quality from first one to last. But I really hope you enjoyed it and use these amazing Korugi techniques as soon as possible. On yourself, your mom, your best friend, your boyfriend or your pet.

I’ll be back with more Rub and Press. bye!

Chapter 5. Photoshoots and PCOS part 2. (got tea? bear with me, this is a long one)

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    So…what was that? What is PCOS?

   “PCOS is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, also known as Stein-Leventhal Syndrome, and is one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women” (source: pcosfoundation.org) Symptoms varies from irregular menstrual cycles/periods to weight gain/difficulty losing weight, cysts on the ovaries (multiple), hair loss, anxiety etc.

   The most popular treatment is through drugs or birth control pills (my case), although bc pills only masks the symptoms and doesn’t heal your body. >>I will come back to this in the future.

   The recovery was emotionally and physically draining, with severe pain every other week. I kept my skin care regimen minimal, I only wore baggy clothes, played games, read books and avoided talking to my family for a bit just so that my mom wouldn’t stress worrying about me, specially overseas. 

   One good thing that happened to me is that it was during this hard time that I first heard about TCM(Traditional Chinese Medicine) and Acupuncture as an alternative treatment to illness and unbalances, but I didn’t use them on my favor this time.

   And 2-3 months after what it felt like forever, everything was under control again. I had some scars from the intense breaking up, but I felt way better and was also naturally back to my modelling weight and shape. My manager was happy when she saw me and asked me to move back to the city ASAP and start going to castings and working again. I was so excited and happy to be back.

  Right on the spot I booked the very first casting I went to after my come back. 

me: Yay good times are back! 

life: – HAHAHAHA actually, not too fast

STOP. I HATE ACTUALLYS

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   It was early in the morning, me and a Brazilian male model getting ready to shoot a gazillion of clothes for a catalogue. The make up artists was doing my make up when she stopped and went to get the clients, who has already seen me personally the other day. She started  complaining about me while pointing at me. They were getting louder, standing right behind me looking through the mirror with VERY NOT HAPPY faces. Damn, it was my scars. At one point there were at least 8-10 people there, just looking at me and talking. The make up artists asked me to switch with the male model, and promptly started doing his hair and make up (yes you heard it, guys wear make up for photoshoots).

   After this, everyone simply stopped talking to me. I sat there on the couch waiting, waiting, waiting…. 

   I didn’t know what to do so I decided to ask someone from the team if everything was ok, when she answered me in chinese basically something like: “Dafuq you want?” even though we were speaking english before.

   I texted my booker and told her what just happened, when I saw the booker herself entering the warehouse with 4 models from my agency, everyone in high heels holding their books. 

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  They were kicking me out and holding a last minute casting to replace me. 

  They chose a japanese girl from my agency, and my booker coldly asked me to get my stuff and to leave my high heels so the other model could wear it on the photoshoot.

   I can’t describe the feeling of shame, anger and sadness I felt. I was angry at them and at me at the same time. I couldn’t even see properly where my bag was because I was already crying. I walked past everyone towards the exit just like a ghost pretty much invisible. 

  I walked outside where our driver was waiting and just bursted in tears. My booker and the rest of the models came after in silence and got in the car. No pad on the back. The booker was very brief and told me to stop crying soon because we were on the way to 4 castings. ARE YOU FUCKING* SERIOUS? (*swearing was necessary)

  Long story short, I booked 2 out of the 4 castings we went to, and the clients were very clear that my skin wasn’t an issue.

 This episode went straight to my archive of “Days That Crushed Me Into Pieces”, “Therapy Required” but also in the subcategory of: (press play below)

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***All photos on this posts were from photoshoots right after I came back to work. Do I look like I just visited Crapland? Luckily I got super busy after that day, schedule always fully booked and became a regular on countless magazines. 

“Illness is a calling”

Do you place more value on.. personal truth or maintaining popularity?

Personal truth all the way! Being genuinely happy and the best version of myself it’s what I’m all about. I can’t fake interests anymore, or spend my time with someone I’m not very fond of. I think the world lacks a little bit on compassion and love because people forgot how to nurture and love themselves first. They get busy pleasing others, working for others, begging others for love. That can’t be right. Personal truth is the journey that everyone must get on sooner on later in life!

Chapter 4. Photoshoots and PCOS part 1.

    When I came to realize how serious things really were, it was already too late. I was 10kg heavier, with my skin and my menstrual cycle going absolutely nuts. Ashamed, defeated, depressed, lifeless.

   My whole lifestyle, sleep patterns and diet changed when I started modelling, a natural adjustment to the fast-paced unstable schedule model life. But I also come from a family were nobody exercises or gain weight, and the lack of health knowledge, limits and just plain careless mindset played a crucial role on what happened to me after 1 year deep into modelling.

And definitely TAIWAN. 

   My agency in Taipei had a terrible rule of measuring the models every Friday after work. They were very strict, and being 0,5kg* or 1cm* out of the ideal measurements/weight allowed them to play a harsh psychological game on us. I saw my teenage roommates stop eating on Thursdays and not even drinking water on Friday just so that they could pass the measuring patrol thingy. I too went on the most stupid diets, ran with inappropriate shoes desperate to get that skeleton skinny legs and walked up 14 stairs up to the agency office (in high heels) because they told me to avoid the elevator. How damaging these habits can be?

   I went back to Bangkok for a new contract when my skin started to break out really really really really but really bad. My agency was fuming. I had to go through a few extremely humiliating email exchanges between the local agency and my mother agent on how I looked hideous and disgusting. “Is she even a model?”. I went to the hospital and was told that having oily and acne-prone skin is normal until your 30′s (OK), then suggested to do a couple of laser $$$$sessions and it would go away in no time. (Which never happened. I was desperate tho). But then suddenly I started to gain A LOT of weight, so I had to step back.

   I flew back to Taiwan, and started seeing a bunch of doctors with my friends help, until I was finally diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). It was a hormones havoc nightmare. It didn’t sound very good.

It was my first career set back, I had to drop everything and hide. I even stopped looking myself in the mirror.

Suddenly the magazines and commercial days seemed so far away.

Time to do some maintenance.

part 2 coming soon.

*I’m sorry, I still can’t figure out pounds and inches.