Season 2, Chapter 1: A RECAP

Hey everyone!

I hope life has been treating you well.

Last time we touched base I had just gotten out of Roaccutane and was living the life of the fearless and spotless. The sun was shining bright, my hair blowing in the wind in slow motion while I glazed at nothing. Not a single zit. Great times! I could write a song about it.

But like any good Netflix series, my path to a good skin is a journey made out of a number of plot twists. Here’s a quick summary of the events:

Los Angeles- San Francisco-New York- trip: AUGUST 2015

I travelled to the States to celebrate my birthday and hang out with all my loved ones. During the trip I noticed my trophy smooth skin was becoming clogged, but I brushed it off justifying it for my lack of exercise and not 100% clean diet.

By the time I my trip ended I realized I had a zit. But it wasn’t bad like before so yay.

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CONFIDENCE: ★★★★★

SKIN QUALITY: ★★★★☆

Brazil trip: SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2015

My face started to slowly be covered by these little bumps EXACTLY like it was the year  before  around July. They were all over my forehead and cheeks. They were unsqueezable, hard bumps. I exfoliated, had religious mud masks sessions, steamed my face, used homemade organic Rose water, aloe vera. No improvement. My sister gave me a local brand face wash to try and I think from that point onwards everything turned really, really bad.FullSizeRender.3.jpg

My favorite character on this show died: her name was MY CONFIDENCE.

My mom owns a restaurant and we kind of have to hang out there in order to have a family time. I hated every single moment of it because breaking out and having to socialize with customers it’s close to a punishment. There was a lot of “Oh, so this is your daughter who’s a model abroad?”  going on while I felt and looked my worst. I avoided going to town and meeting people I knew. I stayed home as much as I could.

Completely depressed and defeated, I was laying down on the couch one day when my sister, who’s 10 years younger than me, decided to drive me on a scooter to the park so I could cheer up a little. She said: “Patty, don’t worry. At this time of the day nobody is really there, so you don’t have to worry about meeting anyone. I’ll bring some strawberries too”. She’s so amazing.

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Me on that day. You can tell happiness was absent.

CONFIDENCE:☆☆☆☆☆

SKIN QUALITY:★☆☆☆☆

Bangkok: OCTOBER 2015~JANUARY 2016

I flew back to Bangkok knowing I couldn’t just go back to castings yet. My agency understood the situation very well so they just let me take my time.

Long story short:

 

There was no time for being sad. I was the only one who could solve this. I attacked it from all sides. Diet, workout, skin care. **It’s really important to mention that I gained 4-5kgs while vacationing in Brazil,and losing that extra weight was ESSENTIAL to the health my skin.

My frustration became this strong desire that fueled my willpower to get out of this. I did it before and I could do it again.

I spent Halloween, Christmas, New Years Eve and also booked some big jobs all WHILE breaking out terribly. I shot for big brands with one of the most amazing directors out there, and I HAD to chin up and find out what else can I offer when I’m physically NOT looking my best. I faked confidence most of the part but there was no time for feeling sorry for yourself.

During one of my researches I found out about KERATOSIS PILARIS (those little bumps that can form on your upper arms), and also finally understood the devastating effects of make up allergy.

In January I started to see a dermatologist weekly, and I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. She put me back on a 2 and a half months Roacutanne treamement, combined with Antibiotics and facials with poking, squezing and all once a week.

We found out I had developed allergy from something I’ve been using. I still can’t believe this, but the BB cream I was wearing almost daily was the biggest cause. Ironically it was good for acne-prone skin. See: COVER FX BB GEL ANTI-BLEMISH TREATMENT

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😦 I really didn’t know.

CONFIDENCE: ★★★☆☆

SKIN QUALITY: ★☆☆☆☆

BANGKOK: MAY 2016

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This is me now. I have so many new things to share. Products, habits, ideas.

But I’ll have to write a separated post just for it.

CONFIDENCE: ★★★★★

SKIN QUALITY: ★★★★★

ENJOYING LIFE: ★★★★★

Chapter 2. Girl in Japan part 1.

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   I went back to Japan at the end of 2006, and got a job at a mid-sized manufacturing company for Toyota and other big auto companies. It was my first paid job (MOM never paid us). Since I could speak Japanese and Portuguese, they used me as a translator too.
  Morning routine was: up before 7AM. Get ready, eat (somedays prepare lunch to bring), walk/ride my bicycle to the company and clock in before 8AM. Work would go on until 5 or 8PM depending on the day. Sounds crazy to me now, but I didn’t mind. I liked feeling responsible. But no matter sun or rain, typhoon or snow, I would sacrifice one of the morning’s steps so I could put make up on. Concealer for my pimples and mascara/eyeliner to look decent. repeat x365

        Skin was still not good. But moving back to Japan made get back in touch with my girly side. Spending more and more time with old friends and specially my grandma, I got some serious “Skincare and Makeup 101 guide for dummies” lessons with chapters:“Only use your ring fingers to wash your face!” “Double Cleanse!” “Shave your face(love this one)” and “STAHP, SUN IS EVIL!!!!”.* 

*I will come back to this Japanese/Korean skin care subject in the future.

   I was living with my parents with no social life and a solid salary every month. so I started spending my dollah bills with facials and spas. They call it エステ(ESUTE, short for aesthetic) in Japan. I took a take a train every weekend to a city nearby for skin treatments and nutritional counseling. They told me to cut out sugar, processed food, coffee, red meat and walk 2x a week. Mind you, I was already 47kg(103pounds?), so obviously my family started to worry that I was going anorexic. I was spending easily 600USD for those weekends and I even bought a light therapy device from them, with a set of 8 colored lenses for 2,000USD++ BECAUSE DESPERATION.

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^something like this. 

   Now, this method MIGHT be the one for you! It’s proven scientifically that colors has different wave lengths and it works on your skin in a different depth, helping any trouble from wrinkles or skin rejuvenation, oily/dry skins and eczema/acne.

   But B, you guessed it! WOO! You was righttttt. (OG MACO)

   For me it was just another big NOPE. 

   What now?

   All aboard What’s Wrong With Me? train express!

Chapter 1. 16ish.

    Most of you will go through puberty, breakups and college and never visit Hormones Roller Coaster Land. Go to a party, come back just waaaaay too turnt to remove your make up and wake up as if nothing has happened. Pick up whatever you see from a drugstore, splash your face with it and carry on with your normal day. For some reason I thought I would be one of you. The innocence.

   Flash back to high school in Brazil. I wasn’t into fashion or make-up at all. I was very boyish and wouldn’t spend too much time pampering or thinking about my looks because I thought it was stupid. Tough girl, but every time someone stared too long at me, I wanted to disappear. I was always breaking out. 

   When I was 15-16 my mom opened a restaurant, so my sisters and I all had to work there part time. The customers were all friendly and they loved stopping by to chat with my mom, who I could only wish to be like. She’s such a people person, and she forced taught us how to a have a sense of humor/sarcasm from a very young age. So it became my strongest self-defence mechanism.

   One time, I was serving a regular customer (a doctor), when he told me my skin looked like a cheese grater. He came back to the restaurant with his family a few weeks later and said: “Oh, ok. Your skin is not THAT bad today huh, good for you.” I laughed it off and replied: “Oh, Thanks! It’s because I haven’t washed my face in a week. Anything to drink?”.

   The damage was already done. On the outside I was very funny and silly, but inside I was growing as one of the most self-conscious girl out there.

   The products I was suggested by then were glycerine soap bar and clay mask. I buried myself in heavy metal music and some self-destructive behaviours twice a day before and after meals by my own choice too.

   Is this really the path to self acceptance, self love and healing? Stay tuned.


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Hometown in Brazil, December 2005. Too emo for smiles.

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Singapore, April 2012. Still struggling but at least more confident.

Ps: I learned English on my own, so if any grammar mistake drives you crazy, I apologize in advance.

Who am I

My name is Patricia Naomi Kazama.

I was born in Brazil, to a French-Portuguese mom and second generation Japanese dad.
I spent my whole life between Brazil and Japan and nowadays I roam around Bangkok, Thailand and occasionally Los Angeles in the US.

I’ve been working as a professional model for the past 7 years, and encountered a few obstacles along the way – the biggest one being my own skin.  On this blog, I wanna talk about what happened, what didn’t, what’s working, what helps and what really matters.

I like the idea of holistic approach to life, a balanced diet and organic skin care. 
I’m also a Reiki Level 3 (master level) Practitioner.

But it hasn’t been working out for me YET. I’m on the path to getting better and being the best version of myself.

So this my journal and my journey.

Dômo!

Patty